Let’s have some fun. It’s no secret that the various disciplines comprising the so-called “art world”—acting, music, literature, sculpture, architecture, etc—have never exactly been card-carrying members of the Donald Trump Fan Club. They’ve spent the better part of a decade working themselves into ever more dramatic fits of artistic anguish over the man. And now, even the portrait painters have joined the rebellion.
Yes, folks, the latest artistic protest isn’t some edgy Broadway play or a Grammy speech masquerading as a hostage video. It’s a portrait. A hilariously unflattering, possibly cursed portrait.
The state of Colorado, in its infinite wisdom, has unveiled its official painting of Donald Trump as the 47th president. The Democratic-run legislature commissioned the work, which now hangs in the Colorado state House alongside other presidential portraits. Now, most presidents either nod approvingly at their official likeness or, at worst, let out a sigh of resignation and move on. But Trump? Trump did what Trump does: He ranted.
Trump’s Official Art Critique
Taking to Truth Social (because of course he did), Trump delivered a blistering review of his own portrait, lamenting that it was “purposefully distorted to a level that even I, perhaps, have never seen before.” He also noted that the artist—who previously painted a much more flattering Barack Obama—must have “lost her talent as she got older.” Classic Trump. You can practically hear the aggrieved hand gestures.
He went on to claim that Coloradans are actually angry about this alleged aesthetic injustice and, ever the man of the people, he is speaking on their behalf to demand that Governor Jared Polis remove it. Naturally, this quickly devolved into a tangent about crime in Aurora, which somehow got shoehorned into the discussion of an oil painting.
Okay, But… He’s Not Wrong
Here’s the thing: As much fun as it is to mock Trump for throwing a tantrum over a painting, the guy sort of has a point. This portrait is bad. Not just bad in a “the artist captured his essence too well” kind of way, but bad in the “this should be hanging in a Scooby-Doo haunted house” kind of way.
Trump doesn’t just look heavier than he is—he looks like he was sculpted from wax, left out in the sun, and then lightly cursed by a vengeful spirit. His expression isn’t stern or commanding, but rather the vacant, eerie gaze of an old-timey ancestor whose eyes follow you as you walk across the room. It’s the kind of painting you wouldn’t be surprised to find in a cobwebbed attic, where it whispers ominous secrets at night.
And listen, we all know that official portraits don’t always capture their subjects in the most flattering light (just ask any number of former presidents whose legacies have been reduced to awkward smirks and oddly proportioned torsos). But this? This feels almost intentional.
The Final Verdict
Now, should Trump be dedicating valuable social media real estate to this instead of, say, the million other things a former (and possibly future) president might want to focus on? Probably not. But in a world where everyone is constantly looking for new ways to dunk on Trump, let’s be fair: If any of us had been memorialized with this level of artistic malevolence, we’d be a little salty, too.
